English Conversation 01

{“en”:”Welcome to English Conversation channel (Tony Carney) Hello Hello How are you? I’m fine. Thank you. And you? I’m fine. Thank you. Where are you from? I come from England. You come from England. Do you like Manchester United? Mm. I don’t like football. Oh. You don’t like football. I see. Why did you come here? I came for vacation. You came for vacation Are you having fun? Yes. I’m having a great time. What do you like the best about here? What do I like the best? Well, the people are very kind.

Yes. The people here are kind. Do you like the food? Yes. The food is great. Is the food too spicy for you? No. I love spicy food. I can eat spicy food everyday. How much longer will you stay here? I will stay 2 more days. Oh Then you will go home? Yes. Then I will go home. Where do you work? I work for a big company. What kind of company do you work for? I work for an import company. And what about you? I work at the bank. Are you a bank teller? No.

Iu2019m the owner. Oh. Hey. How was your vacation? It was very fun. Where did you go? I went to the beach. Who did you go with? I went with my father, mother and older sister. Do you have house at the beach? No. We stayed at a hotel. Which hotel did you stay at? Itu2019s call the Imperial. Have you stayed there before? Yes. Weu2019ve been going there for years. Itu2019s must be very nice. Yes. Itu2019s very nice and not too expensive. Did you play in the water? Yes.

I went swimming and rowed the banana boat. How about your older sister? She does not like the water. She likes to sit on the beach and read a book. What do your mother and father like to do? They like to eat in the restaurant. How long was your vacation? Three or four days. And will you go there again next year? Of course. Hey. Is that Bill? Ahu2026yeah…Ah…

Do you remember me? From school. Iu2019m sorry. I donu2019t remember you. Did we study together? Yes. And we lived in the same dorm, too. Really? What floor did you live on? I lived on the 9th floor. You lived on the 7th floor. Thatu2019s right. How did you know? I would see you in the elevator sometimes. Iu2019m sorry I donu2019t remember you. Itu2019s alright. It was several years ago. Well, anyway. Itu2019s nice to meet you againu2026 Monica Monica Sales, Right? Yes, see.. so you do remember me. Ok. So where do you live now? I live in an apartment. Oh. Do you live with your parents? No. My parents moved to the country. Oh. They must be very happy there. Yes. They enjoyed it very much. So do you live alone? No. I share the apartment with an old friend. Really? A friend? Is it a boyfriend? No. sheu2019s an old friend from school. Weu2019ve known each other for many years. How about you Bill? Where do you live? Oh, I rent an apartment.

I am by myself. Do you like it there? Yeah. But itu2019s kind of noisy. Oh. Maybe you should complain with your neighbors. Oh. no no no. Iu2019m the one who makes the noise. Hey, I like your shirt. Thanks. Itu2019s new. I got it last week. Hah, Did you get anything else? No, just the shirt. Where did you get it? I got from the weekend market. How much did it cost? It cost about $12. Really? That did not cost too much at all. Yeah, Itu2019s a good price. Hah.. Do you like to wear hats? Yeah, I like to wear hats but only in the winter time when it is cold. Hmm.. Do you like to wear jewelry? I just have the necklace that my girlfriend gave to me. Oh What do you think about fashion? I think it isnu2019t imporatant to be in fashion. Do you have pierced ear? No, I do not have a pierced ear. Do you have tattoo? Yes, I do.

What is the tattoo of? Itu2019s a big blue scary monster. Oh, really? Yes. Wow, can I see it? Are you sure? Yes, I am sure. Ok. Hereu2019s my tatoo. Do you have any bothers and sisters? I have one sister. Who is older? You or your sister? My sister is older than me. Do you get along with your sister? Yes. We get along ok. How about your parents? My father died many years ago. Iu2019m sorry to hear about that. My mother is fine. She is very strong and likes to work. What does your mother do? She teaches at a university. Thatu2019s great! What does she teach? She teaches Psych. Pardon me? I do not understand. She teaches Psychology. Psychology. I understand now. How about you? Are you married? I not married yet. I had a girlfriend for many years. But we broken up. Iu2019m sad to hear that.

Can I retun this? What is this? Itu2019s a shirt. Whatu2019s wrong with it? Nothingu2019s wrong with it. It just doesnu2019t fit. Is the color wrong? No. The color is fine. But the size is much too small. Do you remember when you bought it? I didnu2019t. You didnu2019t buy the shirt. Who bought it? My friend bought it. Do you remember when your friend bought it? She bought it last week. Ok. Good. Do you have the receipt? As a matter of fact. I do. Let me have the shirt and your receipt, please.

Would you like to exchange it for a larger size? Can I get cash back instead? No. But I can give you store credit. What is that? Well, the shirt was $19 and 99 cents, right? Yeah, thatu2019s right. Well, I can give you a store coupon, good for $19 and 99 cents. Or you can exchange the shirt for a larger size. Ok. Iu2019ll take the coupon. Ok. Thank you. Do you have a pet? Yes. I do. What kind of pet do you have? Can you guess? Can I guess? Ok. Do you have pet dog? No. I do not have a pet dog Ok. You do not have a pet dog. Do you have a pet cat? No. I do not have a pet cat. You do not have a pet cat. Do you have a pet fish? No. I do not have pet fish. You donu2019t have a pet fish. You cannot guess? Do you want me to tell you? No. Wait a minute. Iu2019m thinking. Give me one more guess. Ok.

Iu2019ll give you one more guess. I know. You have a pet monkey. What? A pet monkey? Why would I have a pet monkey? Beacause you look like a monkey. I donu2019t like look a monkey. You look like a monkey. Ok. I cannot guess. What kind of pet do you have? I have a pet iguana. An iguana? How unusual Where did you get it? From the pet shop. How long have you had it? Uh… About four years. Wow. What is your iguanau2019s name? Ah. His name is Winnie. Winnie. What does Winnie do? Winnie doesnu2019t do very much. Heu2019s quite lazy. Oh. What does Winnie eat? Winnie is a vegetarian. Winnie eats vegetables. Thatu2019s quite interesting. What kind food do you like? I like all kind foods. Really? Can you eat spicy food? I love spicy food. The hotter the better. You are so lucky. Why I am lucky? Itu2019s terrible when I eat a hot pepper. Can you eat Thai or Mexican food? Yes, I can but only if itu2019s really bland. Do you eat out very often? Sometimes.

Do you have a favourite restaurant? I do have a favourite vegetarian restaurant. Are you a vegetarian? Yes. I am. So you donu2019t eat chicken or pork? No chicken. No pork. But I do eat fish. Are you a vegetarian for health reasons or religious reasons? Most for health reasons. Huh. All the talk about food has made me hungry. Are you hungry? Yes. I am. Would you like to go to my favourite vegetarian restaurant? What is good there? Well, of course. The fresh vegetables are outstanding. Sounds delicious. Letu2019s go. Do you study? Yes. I study at the university. What subject do you study? Iu2019m study marketing. Ok. And… When will you graduate? I will graduate next semester. Ok. Will you continue to study your masteru2019s degree? No.

Not yet. What will you do after you graduate? Iu2019m not sure yet. It depends. Depends on what? It depends on what kinds of job offers I get. What do you mean? Well, if I get a job that provides opportunity. I will take it. What other jobs have you applied for? Oh, Iu2019ve made many applications to all kinds of companies. Ok. What kinds of companies did you apply to? Hotels, factories, import companies. What if you get a job far away from home? I would rather stay close to my family What will you do if you cannot find a job? I cannot find a job. I will stay in school and study for a masteru2019s degree. A masteru2019s degree in what faculty? Iu2019m not sure yet.

I have to think about it. Letu2019s get out of the city this weekend. Mm. Thatu2019s good idea. Iu2019m getting sick of being here. Do you want to go to the beach? We always go to the beach. Letu2019s do something different. How about camping? Hm. Camping… That sounds terrific. All my idea are terrific. Do you have a tent? No. Do you? No. But I can borrow a large one from my friend. How about the sleeping bag? Yes. I have sleeping bag. Do you have one? No. I donu2019t. Do you want to share with me? No, thanks. Iu2019ll buy a new sleeping bag. Do you think we should go far, far away? How much time do you have? I can leave Friday after work. I can leave Friday, too.

When will we have to be back? Iu2019ll have to be back by Sunday. Ok. Weu2019ll back by Sunday. What should we do while weu2019re there? Do you want to go hiking? Hiking… Ok. But we shouldnu2019t go far from the camp ground. If we stay out in the camp ground. Will we bring the barbeque? Of course. What is a camping without a barbeque? Will you make your famous hamburgers? Sure thing. Iu2019ll make hamburgers. Should we invite some friends? Great idea.

Letu2019s invite all of our friends. This is going to be fun. I canu2019t wait. Do you have any hobbies? Yes. I have several. Really? Please tell me more about your hobbies? Well, I do like to collect things. Really? What do you like to collect? I like to collect stamps. Really? Where do you collect stamps from? I collect stamps from all over the world. Why do you do that? Because eventually, I hope to have stamps from every country? Why do you want all of those stamps? I think itu2019s because I wonu2019t be able to go to those countries myself. Oh. What is another hobby of yours? I collect beer.

Pardon me? You collect beer? Well, actually I collect beer cans. Ok. Where do you get the cans from? From every place that I travel to. Do you drink the beer? No. Iu2019m not a beer drinker. Oh. I see. What about you? What are your hobbies? Well, I like to read a lot. Really? What do you read about? I like to read about best sellers and I like to read a lot about science, too. What kind of science do you read about? Variety of topics but I specially like to read about the nature and about electronics. Fascinating Why do you like to read so much? Oh, I think it helps me exercise my brain. Thatu2019s a good reason. If it doesnu2019t make you too tired. Alex! Hey. Hey. This is my friend, Bob. He from England. Hey. Excuse me. Ok. Sit down, please. What city in England do you come from? I come from London. Have ever been there? No, Iu2019ve never been.

I hope to go someday. You can, If you have true desire. Have been here a long time? Iu2019ve been here for about seven years. How about you? Oh. Iu2019ve been here all my life. Why have you stayed here such a long time? Iu2019ve stayed here for many reasons. Are you married? Yes. I am. Is your wife beautiful? Would you like to see a picture of my wife? That would be nice. Iu2019m bored. Letu2019s do something. What do you want to do? I donu2019t know Anything is fine. Letu2019s go see a movie. No I went to see 3 movies this week. Three Wow. Why so many? Because I was bored all week. Well, do you want to play some sports? No, I donu2019t want to play any sports. Why not? Sports are fun. Well, I donu2019t want to run around and get all hot.

Yes Itu2019s kind of hot. How about shopping? You want to go shopping? I like shopping. But have to watch my money until the end of the month. Well, we can go eat dinner. Dinner is a good idea. Where would you like to eat? I heard about this new Japanese restaurant down at the mall. Is it expensive? Itu2019s not too expensive But itu2019s not cheap. Ok Well, that sounds good. When weu2019re finished We can go window shopping. That sounds like fun. Oh. And if we want we can play some indoor, air conditioned sports Really? Which sports has air conditioning? Bowling Bowling Right? Great. Letu2019s go. Ok. Excuse me! Yes Would you like some coffee or tea while youu2019re waiting? Yes. That would be lovely. Thank you. Would you prefer, coffee or tea? Coffee, please.

And how would you like your coffee? Two sugars and some milk. Ok. Iu2019m sorry But we donu2019t have any milk. Is coffeemate alright? Coffeemate is fine. Ok. Itu2019s one coffee. Iu2019ll be right back. Oh. Excuse me. Yes. Do you use fresh ground coffee? No. We donu2019t. We use instant coffee. Nescafeu2019, I think. I see. On second thought Can I have some tea, please? Yes. What kind of tea would you like? What kind of tea do you have? We have Earl Grey, Green Tea or Lipton Green tea is Chinese, is it not? Yes. Iu2019ll try green tea. Ok Would you like that iced or hot? Iced sounds nice. Ok. – Not too sweet – One iced green tea Would you like a cookie? Cookie? No.

Thank you Ok How about an apple? Yes. Iu2019d like an apple. Ok. One iced green tea and one apple Iu2019ll be right back. Have you ever traveled abroad? Yes, I have. In fact, I was born abroad. You were born abroad. Where were you born? I was born in Japan. Youu2019re joking. No, Iu2019m not joking. Itu2019s true. I was made in Japan. Do you speak Japanese? No, I donu2019t. I left when I was young. How old were you? I was nine. You were nine years old. And you do not speak Japanese? No. I was 9 months old. Oh What other countries have you been to? I went to Mexico. How was that? I was great. What did you like the best? Well, the ruins were interesting. Anything else you liked? The beaches were nice. Where else have you been? I lived in London for one year.

Really? How was that? I was only 8 years old. You were 8 years old What were you doing there? I went there with my mother. She was working there. Of all the countries you have been to which is your favorite country? Thailand. Why do you like Thailand? I love Thailand because the food is delicious and the people are very friendly.

Hi. Can I help you? Yes. Iu2019d like to buy a washing machine. Ok. Which brand would you like? I donu2019t care so much about brand. So, Whatu2019s are you looking for? Iu2019m looking for good price and good functions. Ok. Functions and price important to you. Thatu2019s right. Ok. First, May I ask you? What size of washer do you need? What do you mean by u201cwhat size washeru201d? Well, like a small size is 4 kilos, a large size is 8 kilos. Do you have a medium size? Sure. Medium size is six kilos.

Ok. I think I want a medium size. Alright. And do you want a one bin or a two-bin washer. Whatu2019s the difference between one-bin and two-bin? Well, with a two-bin washer. You have to move the clothes to the spinner yourself. And the one-bin? It does it automatically. Itu2019s a two-in-one spin bin. Oh. I understand. Which one cleans better? They clean the same. Really? And do the washers cost the same? Well, the one-bin washer is more expensive but itu2019s simple to use. Simple is important. Well, I think Iu2019d like the one-bin washer. You know? If you like things simple and easy. May I suggest to you the fuzzy logic function? What is the fuzzy logic? Fuzzy logic is a special function It makes using the washer easier. How does the function work? Well, You put in your clothes You put in the soap and the washer does the rest. Sounds perfect! This is exactly the kind of washing machine, Iu2019ve been looking for.

Hey! Did you have a good weekend? No. Not really. Oh, Iu2019m sorry to hear that. What happened? During weekend, my house was robbed. (Tony Carney) Your house was robbed? What do you mean? I mean I was not there and someone came and took everything from my house. Someone took everything form your house? Thatu2019s terrible. Terrible. Yes. I think so. Wow… Did they break anything? Yes. They broke a window to get in. Did they take your television? Yes. They took the television. Oh. Did they take the DVD player? Yes. They took the DVD player Did they take your laptop? Yes. They took the laptop. Did they take your clothes? Yes, theyu2026 No. They did not take my clothes. Oh! Thatu2019s because your clothes are old and out of fashion.

Do you really think my clothes are old-fashioned? Yes. I do. Theyu2019re very old. Oh. this is terrible! Fist, my house gets robbed, and my clothes are old-fashioned. Did you tell the police that your house was robbed? Yes. I told the police. What… did they say? They didnu2019t say much They just took a report. Hello Hi! Is this Tina. Yes. It is. Whou2019s this? This is Alex Do you remember me? Iu2019m sorry.

I do not remember you Did you come into the CS computer shop today? I went to many shops today. Where is yours? Our shop is located at the Galaxy Mall. Which floor is your shop on? CS computer is on the third floor. Oh. Yes I think I remember now. What is your name again? My name is Alex Willis of CS computer. Oh. I remember you now. You are the tall person, very handsome? Yes. Thatu2019s right. You have a good memory, Tina. So what can I do for you, Mr Willis? Do you remember coming into our shop and asking about a catalog for computer games? Yes. I remember asking for the catalog. You could not find it. Right I couldnu2019t find it But you have it now? Yes. I have the catalog. Great. Would you like me to keep it here at the shop for you? No Iu2019m not free to go down there anytime soon.

Well, since you cannot come to the shop. Can I send you the catalog? That would be wonderful! Ok May I have your address, please? 2307 T street, Sacramento, California 95610. Ok Was that 2307 T Street? No. That was 2307 T street. Ok. I have your address. And Iu2019ll send it to you today. Great! Thanks. My pleasure. Mr Willis? Yes? I often have questions about computers and games. You can ask me anything It my business. Thanks for that May I have your phone number? Sure. Itu2019s 018675309. Call me anytime if you have a question. Thanks a lot. My pleasure Good bye! Bye Bye! Honey. Iu2019m home. How are you? Iu2019m terrible.

I have a headache. Iu2019m so sad to hear that. What give you a headache? There are so many reasons. Maybe youu2019ll feel better if you tell me. Well, Work is my biggest headache. What is wrong at work? Itu2019s my boss. He always scolds me. Why does your boss scold you? He says Iu2019m lazy and I take too many breaks. Well, do you take too many breaks? I donu2019t think so. Why donu2019t you ignore your boss? I canu2019t ignore him. He is my boss. Thatu2019s too bad. What else gives you a headache? What else gives me a headache? My co-workers! My co-workers give me a headache. Why do your co-workers give you a headache? Because theyu2019re always gossiping. Do they gossip about you? Probably but not to my face. Thatu2019s too bad. What else gives you a headache? Driving! Driving gives me a headache? Why does driving give you a headache? Well, thereu2019re always traffic jams and thereu2019s no place to park.

Why donu2019t you take a bus to work? Take a bus to work? Itu2019s too crowed and thereu2019s never a seat. Thatu2019s too bad. What can you do to get rid of your headache? Easy. I come home and I see you! Are you excited to go to the party? Yes. Iu2019m very excited about the party. Do you think we should bring something with us? Yes. I think we should bring a gift or something. What would be good to bring? What about bringing flowers? But the flower shop is so far away.

Can you think of something else? What if we bring some chips. Uhu2026Someone else will be bringing chips. Can you think of something else? What about bringing food? Well, we donu2019t have to bring food because thereu2019s going to be a buffer at the party. What about bringing my CD collection? Bringing your music CD collection is a good idea but theyu2019re going to have a DJ at the party. What about bringing some playing-cards? You donu2019t have to bring playing cards. Because thereu2019s going to be a mini casino at the party. Really? Thereu2019re going to be a mini casino at the party? Really! Itu2019s true. Iu2019m not kidding. Can you think of something else? Thereu2019s only one thing the party does not have. Whatu2019s that? The party does not have us. Letu2019s just bring ourselves. Yeah…!. “}

As found on Youtube

Neuro Linguistic Programming in Brighton

Learn English through Funny story Mr Bean (level 2)

{“en”:”It was Mr. Bean’s birthday, and he wanted to enjoy it! What could he do? ‘How can I make this important day a happy day?’ he thought. ‘I know. I’ll go out to a restaurant for dinner this evening! I’ll enjoy that. ‘ Mr. Bean didn’t often eat in restaurants. They were sometimes very expensive. And he sometimes did things wrong when he was in a new or strange place. Oh dear! Life wasn’t easy for Mr. Bean! That evening, Mr. Bean put on a clean shirt. He put on his best coat and trousers. He put on his best shoes. Then he drove to a restaurant in the centre of town. He arrived at eight o’clock and went inside.

It was a very nice restaurant. Everybody was wearing their best clothes, and there were flowers on every table. ‘I’m going to like it here, ‘ thought Mr. Bean. ‘This is a good restaurant for my birthday dinner. ‘ The manager met him at the door. ‘Good evening, sir, ‘ he said. ‘How are you? Would you like a table for one?’ ‘Yes, please, ‘ said Mr. Bean. ‘Follow me, sir, ‘ said the manager. He walked across the room to a table, and Mr. Bean went after him. ‘Here you are, sir, ‘ said the manager. ‘This is a nice table. ‘ He pulled the chair away from the table.

Then he waited for Mr. Bean to sit down. Mr. Bean looked at him. ‘Why is he taking my chair away?’ thought Mr. Bean. ‘What’s he doing?’ And he pulled the chair away from the manager and sat down quickly. When the manager went away, Mr. Bean sat quietly for a minute. Then he remembered something. He took a birthday card and an envelope out of his jacket. Next, he took out a pen and wrote ‘Happy Birthday, Bean’ inside the card. Then he put the card into the envelope and wrote his name on the outside of it. He put it on the table, and put his pen back into his jacket. After a minute or two, Mr. Bean pretended to see the card for the first time. ‘Oh! A card – for me?’ he said. He opened the envelope and took out the card. He read it carefully. ‘Now that’s nice!’ he said. ‘Somebody remembered my birthday!’ And he stood the card on his table.

The manager arrived with the menu and gave it to Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean started to read it. ‘Oh, dear!’ he thought. ‘Everything’s very expensive! What can I have?’ Mr. Bean got out his money. He had a ten-pound note and some coins. He put the money on to a plate. ‘How much have I got?’ he said, and he moved the money round on the plate. ‘Ten, eleven… And forty, fifty, fifty-five! Eleven pounds and fifty-five pence. ‘ He looked at the menu again. What could he eat for eleven pounds fifty-five? The manager came to his table. ‘Are you ready, sir?’ he asked. ‘Yes, ‘ said Mr. Bean. He put his finger on the menu. ‘I’ll have that, please.

‘ The manager looked at the menu. ‘The steak tartare, sir. Yes, of course. ‘ ‘Yes, ‘ said Mr. Bean. ‘Steak. ‘ The manager took the menu and went away. Mr. Bean sat and looked round the restaurant. There were a lot of people in the room. There was a man and a woman at the next table. They ate and talked. Suddenly, a waiter arrived at Mr. Bean’s table with a bottle of wine. ‘Would you like to try the wine, sir?’ he said. ‘Oh, yes please, ‘ said Mr. Bean. The waiter put some wine in Mr. Bean’s glass and Mr. Bean had a drink. It was very nice! He smiled, and the waiter tried to put more wine into the glass. Of course, the waiter was right. First, the customer tries his wine. When he is happy with it, the waiter gives him more wine. But Mr. Bean didn’t know this, and he quickly put his hand across the glass. ‘No, thank you, ‘ he said. ‘I don’t drink wine when I’m driving.’ The waiter looked at him strangely – and walked away.

He didn’t say, ‘Why did you try the wine when you didn’t want it, you stupid man!’ Mr. Bean took the knife from the table and started to play with it. He pretended to be a bad man. He pretended to push the knife into somebody. But he didn’t really want to kill anybody, of course. It was a game. The woman at the next table looked at him angrily, and Mr. Bean quickly moved the knife. Next, he hit the glasses and plate on his table with it. Ping, ping, ping they went! And after a minute, he played the song ‘Happy Birthday’ on the glasses. He smiled and thought, ‘I’m very clever!’ But the woman at the next table didn’t think, ‘That’s clever!’ or ‘Oh yes, that’s funny!’ She thought, ‘That man’s really stupid!’ And she looked hard at Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean put the knife down and looked at his napkin. ‘It’s a very nice napkin, ‘ he thought. The waiter saw Mr.

Bean looking at his napkin. He didn’t say anything, but suddenly – flick! – he opened it for Mr. Bean. ‘That’s clever, ‘ thought Mr. Bean. ‘I’ll try that!’ And he began to move his napkin. Flick! Flick! Flick! Suddenly, the napkin flew out of his hand. It flew across on to the next table. The woman at the table looked round again. But Mr. Bean pretended not to see her. His face said, ‘It’s not my napkin!’ A minute later, the waiter arrived with his food. There was a large cover on the plate and Mr. Bean couldn’t see the food. But he gave the waiter the money on the table. Customers don’t usually give a waiter money when he arrives with the food. But the waiter didn’t say anything. He took the money and put it in his jacket.

Mr. Bean was happy. ‘I’m doing everything right, ‘ he thought. The waiter took the cover off the plate and walked away. Mr. Bean looked at the food in front of him. He put his nose near the meat and smelled it. Then he put his ear next to it. ‘What’s this?’ he thought. He put some of the meat into his mouth. Suddenly, the manager arrived at his table. ‘Is everything all right, sir?’ he asked. ‘Are you happy with everything?’ ‘Mmmmm, ‘ said Mr. Bean. He smiled. The manager smiled, too. He walked away – and Mr. Bean’s face changed. There was no smile now. ‘Aaagh!’ he thought. ‘They didn’t cook this meat!’ But he had to eat it. ‘I don’t want people to think that I’m stupid,’ he thought. ‘But I’ll never ask for steak tartare again! Never!’ He pushed his plate away. But then the waiter went past his table. ‘Is everything all right, sir?’ he asked. ‘Oh, yes,’ said Mr. Bean. He smiled. ‘Yes, everything’s very nice, thank you.’ He smiled and pretended to eat some meat.

But the waiter went away before Mr. Bean put it into his mouth. ‘What can I do with it?’ he thought. ‘I can’t eat this. Where can I hide it?’ Then he had an idea. Carefully, he put the meat into the mustard pot and put the cover on it. ‘Where can I put some now?’ he thought. ‘I can’t eat it, so I’ve got to hide all of it. Oh, yes, the flowers!’ He took the flowers out of the vase. But then the manager went past, so Mr. Bean pretended to smell the flowers. ‘Mmm, very nice!’ he said. The manager smiled and walked away. Quickly, Mr. Bean put some meat into the vase and pushed the flowers in on top of it.

He looked round the table. ‘Where next?’ he thought. ‘Yes! The bread!’ He took his knife and cut the bread roll. Then he quickly ate the middle of it. Now he could push some meat inside the roll. He did this, then he put the roll down. He looked at the meat on his plate. ‘There’s a lot of it, ‘ he thought. ‘Where can I hide it now?’ He looked at the small plate on the table. Perhaps he could hide some meat under the plate. He looked round. ‘Nobody’s watching me, ‘ he thought. So he took more meat from the big plate in front of him, and put it under the small plate. Then he pushed down hard with his hand. The waiter walked past his table again. Mr. Bean smiled at him and put his arm on the plate. After the waiter went away, he pushed down on the small plate again. ‘That’s better, ‘ he thought. ‘Now you can’t see the meat. Good. But there’s more meat. Where can I hide it?’ He looked round the table. ‘The sugar pot!’ he thought. ‘But it’s got sugar in it. What can I do?’ He thought quickly, then he put some sugar into a wine glass.

Next, he put some of the meat into the sugar pot. Then he put the sugar from the wine glass on top of it. ‘Good!’ he thought. ‘Nobody can see it in there. ‘ Suddenly, Mr. Bean could hear music. ‘Where’s that coming from?’ he thought. He looked round – and saw a man with a violin. After a minute or two, the man came across to Mr. Bean’s table and played for him.

Mr. Bean smiled. ‘This is nice, ‘ he thought. Then the man saw Mr. Bean’s birthday card, and the music changed. The man started to play ‘Happy Birthday’! The people at the other tables looked round when they heard the song. ‘Who’s having a birthday?’ they thought. Then they saw Mr. Bean and smiled at him. Mr. Bean smiled back at them. He pretended to eat some of the meat, but he didn’t put it into his mouth. The man with the violin walked round Mr. Bean’s table and watched him. He played his violin and waited for Mr. Bean to eat the meat. And he waited… and waited… and waited… ‘I’ll have to eat some,’ thought Mr. Bean. ‘He’ll only go away when I eat it. ‘ So he put the meat into his mouth. And the man with the violin turned away to the next table. The meat was in Mr. Bean’s mouth, but he didn’t want to eat it. He wanted to put it somewhere. But where? He looked at the man with the violin. He moved quickly. He pulled open the back of the man’s trousers and opened his mouth. The meat fell inside the trousers! He smiled.

‘That was clever, ‘ he thought. The man with the violin moved round the next table. He played a song to the man and the woman. The music was very beautiful. They listened and drank their wine. They watched the man with the violin, so their eyes weren’t on Mr. Bean. Nobody’s eyes were on Mr. Bean. He saw this, and he had an idea. Mr. Bean quickly took the woman’s bag from the floor. He opened it and pushed some meat inside it. Then he put the bag on the floor again. But when he did this, he accidentally put his foot out. The waiter walked past with some plates of food – and he fell over Mr. Bean’s foot! The plates fell on to Mr. Bean’s table, and on to the floor. There was a loud CRASH!, and the people at the other tables looked up quickly. ‘What happened?’ they said.

Then they saw the waiter on the floor. ‘Oh, dear!’ they said. Now Mr. Bean had another idea. Here was the answer to his problem! He moved very quickly. He pushed the meat from his plate on to the table with the other food. Then he pretended to be very angry. ‘Look, you stupid man!’ he said to the waiter. ‘Oh, look at this!’ The waiter got up from the floor. ‘I’m sorry, sir, ‘ he said. ‘I’m really very sorry. ‘ The manager arrived at the table. ‘I’m very sorry, too, sir, ‘ he said. ‘Oh, the food-!’ ‘Yes, it’s everywhere!’ said Mr. Bean. ‘Look! It’s in the mustard pot. It’s in the bread roll. It’s in the vase of flowers.’ He took the woman’s bag from the floor.

‘And it’s in here!’ He pulled open the back of the violin player’s trousers. ‘And here!’ The waiter couldn’t understand it. ‘Go back to the kitchen, ‘ the manager told him, and the waiter went away. Then the manager turned to Mr. Bean. ‘Please, sir, ‘ he said. ‘Come with me.’ ‘What?’ said Mr. Bean. ‘Oh, yes, all right.’ The manager took Mr. Bean to a clean table. ‘Sit here, sir, ‘ he said. Mr. Bean sat down. ‘Thank you, ‘ he said. The manager opened Mr. Bean’s napkin. Then he got the birthday card from the other table. He put it on Mr. Bean’s clean table. ‘Thank you,’ said Mr. Bean. The man with the violin came across and played ‘Happy Birthday’ to him again.

Mr. Bean smiled. Now everything was all right. ‘Now I can start again, ‘ he thought. ‘And this time I’ll do everything right.’ The waiter arrived at Mr. Bean’s table. He put a plate in front of Mr. Bean. The manager smiled and took off the cover. Mr. Bean looked down. And he stopped smiling. There, in front of him, was a very large plate – of steak tartare!”}

As found on Youtube

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