“Teacher! Teacher! Ronnie! Ronnie! Can I go — can I go bathroom?” “What? ‘Can I go bathroom?’ Okay. ‘Can I go to the bathroom?’ Yes. ‘Can I go bathroom?’ No. Not in here, please. If you said, “Can I go bathroom”, that means that you are going to pee where you are. Please go to the bathroom or the washroom to pee. Today’s lesson is all about going to the toilet. This thing is called a “plunger”. Plunge, plunge, plunge! What do you do with this in the bathroom, you wonder? This is a plunger. What we use this for is in the toilet. So let’s imagine that your friend, your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, or you ate a lot of food last night. And then, you went to the toilet. You took a massive dump. What is a “massive dump”? A “massive dump” is slang. “Take a massive dump.” “Massive” means very big, and “dump” — let me draw it for you — means poo.
Unchi! Japanese style. So “take a massive dump” means “to have a bowel movement”, if you will. Okay? But it’s so large that maybe it clogs or plugged the toilet. So that means I cannot flush the toilet. Now, basic bathroom etiquette. Please, when you have finished whatever you’re doing in there, please always flush the toilet. There’s a little mechanism on the toilet. It’s usually a silver color. It’s very easy. You press it. All of the water and all of the extra things in the toilet floating here — maybe you have some poo — it goes away so that the next person does not have to see what you ate for dinner. I don’t want to see that. “Oh, Uncle John had corn last night.” Unnecessary for me to see. So please, I beg of you, if you are going to use the toilet, please flush it, okay? There was a rhyme that I knew — I still know it. It’s called, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down.” I would like to change the poem to say, “Flush the toilet.
I don’t care what color it is. I don’t want to see it.” Or you’re going to be getting one of these stuck in your face. So rule No. 1: Flush the toilet, okay? With a plunger, you are going to — as I said — unclog the plugged toilet. What happens in a toilet or in a sink is you have a drain, okay? A “drain” is a hole at the bottom where all the water goes into.
It goes to Magic Land. Okay? So the sink and the toilet both have a drain, as does your bathtub and your shower. What happens is hair or other debris gets stuck in the drain. So the drain gets clogged or plugged. It basically means that all of this stuff can’t go down the pipe, and it backs up. So the water doesn’t go down. Dangerous with a toilet. Not as bad with a sink. Acceptable with a bathtub and a shower. All you need to do is plunge it. Make sure it’s clean. Now, what do you do in a sink? Usually, when you go to the sink, you wash your hands. Rule No. 2: After you go to the toilet, you flush the toilet, okay? Then, it’s really, really cool. It’s the coolest thing ever that you wash your hands. Especially for men. Guys, what are you touching? What are you doing? I don’t want to touch a doorknob that you have touched after you’ve taken — sorry. After you’ve gone to the toilet.
You’ve touched your man part. You did not wash your hand, and then you touched the doorknob. I’m touching your knob, too, okay? Literally. I don’t want to touch your knob. Please wash your hands after you flush the toilet. Good. Another thing that you might find in a bathroom or a washroom is a bathtub, and/or you may have a shower. Now, the difference between a bathtub and a shower, it’s very easy. When you have or take a bath, you’re going to do it in the bathtub. In the bathtub, you get to lie down. You get to relax. Maybe you have some bubbles. Maybe you have a rubber ducky. That’s a duck, okay? I’m an artist. That’s a duck. A shower, it’s very small, and you don’t have enough room to lie down, so you are going to stand up in the shower, okay? It doesn’t matter if you say the verb “take” or “have”.
So you can say, “I’m going to have a bath. I’m going to take a bath. Or I’m going to have a shower. I’m going to take a shower.” The other thing that you can say is — “shower” is also a verb. So you can say, “I’m going to shower. I’m going to shower.” You can’t say, “I’m going to bath, or I’m going to bathtub.” Because “bathtub” and “bath” — these guys are only nouns, okay? A shower can be a verb and a noun.
English is so confusing sometimes. Even when you’re just trying to be clean. I’ll help you. Don’t worry. What other things can you do in the bath — what other things can you do in the bathroom or the washroom? You can look in the mirror. When you look in the mirror, you see your reflection. “It’s me! Oh, wow.” So when you look in the mirror, you see a mirror image of yourself. Sometimes it’s a little dirty. Another thing that people are, I think, kind of confused about sometimes is the difference between “washroom” and “bathroom”. Honestly, I don’t care. If someone said, “May I go to the washroom?” Okay. “May I go to the bathroom?” Okay. Really, the difference is this. This might blow your mind. Properly, a bathroom has a bath. A washroom would normally have a toilet and a sink. But if you’re in a public place, it doesn’t matter if you say “bathroom” or “washroom”.
One mistake that I have made in Canada is one time I was shopping, and I had to go to the washroom. So I went to the person who worked at the store, and I said, “Excuse me. Where’s your toilet?” The person looked at me like I had two heads. “Where’s my toilet?” “Yeah. Where’s your toilet?” “We don’t have toilets.” “You don’t have toilets? This is a department store. There are many people. It’s an American department store — [coughs] Target. I know you have a toilet. I know you do. “We don’t sell no toilets.” “Oh, I don’t want to buy a toilet. I want to use your public toilet.” “Oh, the bathroom!” “Yes, the bathroom, then.” “It’s over there, to the left.” “Thank you.” So I’ve made the mistake of saying, “Where’s the toilet.” In Canada and in North America, it’s more natural to say “washroom” or “bathroom”.
There’s another one that people use sometimes, too. And it’s called — maybe you’ll see it on the sign — a “restroom”. That’s fine. I’m just not too sure what you’re doing when you’re having a rest in the bathroom. For me, I’d rather take a rest, like, in my bedroom or maybe on the couch or the sofa. I don’t really feel that comfortable resting in a public toilet on the sink.
I don’t know. Did you have any bathroom stories? I’d love to hear them in the comments. Please comment. Say “hi”. Tell me about your bathroom experience. Until then, toodles..
As found on Youtube